57. So it is.
Friday, March 6
12:10 AM ♥
Because the most beautiful love songs are written with a broken heart.
During the 2 months+ hiatus, I turned 21, got my heart broken & in turn broke someone else's heart. I swore to never write again because despite the smile plastered on my face, it hurts too much to recall & pen the thoughts & feelings down. So this is the last entry; the 'proper' closure that I never had in reality.
One last look at all the old entries, a flood of emotions came back to me. I was reminded of events that drove me into fits of anger, made me cry buckets, made me so happy I felt I could conquer the world & events I had totally forgotten about. It was almost like my life was flashing before my eyes. But I've decided that the rest of 2009 is going to be "the" new start. So I'm locking all these behind. This is to me, purging of sorts of my baggage and issues. I'm going forward with a clean slate, a better attitude and a brighter disposition. It feels like I've shed 1,331 pounds. It's all good.
-
I wanted freedom.
Bound and restricted.
I tried to give y
ou up.
But I'm addicted.
No more.
True love never expires.
& now my dear, the tale is over.Labels: Stranger still than fiction.
blackcat-luck 
55. Bloody mary.
Wednesday, November 12
10:03 PM ♥
Someone once suggested drawing a vial of eachother's blood.
I just got my blood drawn and transferred into a tiny, pretty, purple tube! It was orgasmic! I guess that's what keeps me going back to the blood bank every 3 months or so - I derive the pleasure from watching the needle penetrate my skin and drawing out rich, warm, ruby red blood. I actually enjoy the sensation of blood, my blood draining out of me. It's a totally different experience from having menses. So don't even go there, smartypants.
If you have a penchant for blood like I do, you would enjoy the pictures. Mm-mmm.
On another note, tomorrow's my Napfa; maybe I can get out of it by convincing my teachers I'm weak from losing a 'great' deal of blood.
Step 1.
Withdraw & deposit
Step 2. Deposit in progress
Step 3. Mission accomplished!
Step 4. Discover the Picasso within w the remaining blood
Voila~!
The bloody masterpiece.
Yours truly. ♥
Labels: Stranger still than fiction.
blackcat-luck
49. Snap! Goes the girlfriend.
Monday, August 18
2:00 AM ♥
%%% & the good times that I had makes today seem rather sad.
When you use me like an ashtray putting out all your anger in me again.
You got me feeling like I'm nothing.Labels: Stranger still than fiction.
blackcat-luck
39. Bellina(s)
Wednesday, June 18
3:05 PM ♥
Bellina,
in more ways than one.
Poached, deep-fried, steamed, stir-fried or double-boiled?
I googled my name and yielded the following. Funny, checked. Silly, yes. But at least all PG, nothing pornographic so I take comfort in that. (:
The funny thing is, the items my name 'endorses' actually coincides with my characteristic and the things I like.
01.
The light is pretty damn useless.
I can finally say, "Where's
MY tweezer" out loud.
02.
I like orchids!
Phalaenopsis Bellina
03.
Am I entitled special discounts?
It was from this site that I 'traced' back to the roots of my name and what I discovered almost got me recoiling in horror; "Bellina means cute in Italian".
Eee-yuck.
Why not goofy.
Why not clumsy.
Why not vivacious.
Why not kickass.
Why not funky.
Why not sexy.
Why not gay.
Why not flamboyant.
Why cute-eeew.
04.
Look,
I '
make'
babies!
Everyone knows I love babies and the design of the website features a baby nesting in a white Calla Lily. Coincidence?
05. Coffee, tea or ME?
06.
Last but not least,
my favourite.
I fit the bill!
Labels: Stranger still than fiction.
blackcat-luck
18. Maybe it's you.
Tuesday, August 21
8:35 PM ♥
A desire to be in the physical vacinity of you has me so emotionally attached to the idea of a forever.
This time, my thoughts are actually coherent but I can't make sense. My life revolves around an agendum. I feel like being selfish for a day, a month, who knows, maybe even a year.
Here one day and gone the next, I'll leave messages unreplied, phonecalls unreturned and if I say that I'll see you, I probably won't. I feel like crying till the knot forms in my throat. I feel like screaming till my voice box disintegrates & rupture. I feel like I need to write a book to make everyone understand these days. It comes to a point in time that I don't even want anyone to understand because trying is so burdensome. Oh, don't bullcrap me and say "You understand" because that's a banality and we both know you don't. Maybe that's your way of showing concern but really, I just want to be left alone.
It would be nice to feel a hand brush the hair off of my face as I read these words off the screen again and again. Sometimes, no words of comfort are needed. Sit here with me, but don't try to understand.
Ow, my eyes sting.
Labels: Stranger still than fiction.
blackcat-luck
11. Binge eating.
Monday, June 25
11:39 PM ♥
Sit where the cat sits.
Best laugh in weeks because of her.
Thanks to the one whose birthday falls on 1st December.
-
These days stinks. Almost literally. Considering the amount of 'smelly beans' I've been eating. And these days are about binge eating and feeling hungry all the time - sometimes I can't tell if the pangs in my stomach are hunger ones or reminders to clear my bowels. At the rate I'm eating, my whole abdominal region will spill over my jeans. My tummy already *cough* sticks out from the top of my jeans *cough*, for your information. But I never seem to feel full, and I don't shit enough and my appetite seems to grow 'healthier' each day. I can't blame it on pms because my period has just ended...not too long ago.
I'm updating because Nart said she comes to my blog because she remembers me and I want her to have something new to remember everytime she comes.
Sex and crying are very similar.Labels: Stranger still than fiction.
blackcat-luck
04. Dear Stranger.
Tuesday, May 1
4:17 PM ♥
Because skipping heartbeats and butterflies in your stomach can'
t be safe.
You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat;
I believe satisfaction'll bring it back to life.
Curiosity is killing this Blackcat.Labels: Stranger still than fiction.
blackcat-luck
