Inhale.

57. So it is.

2009-03-06T00:10:00.007+08:00

Because the most beautiful love songs are written with a broken heart.

During the 2 months+ hiatus, I turned 21, got my heart broken & in turn broke someone else's heart. I swore to never write again because despite the smile plastered on my face, it hurts too much to recall & pen the thoughts & feelings down. So this is the last entry; the 'proper' closure that I never had in reality.

One last look at all the old entries, a flood of emotions came back to me. I was reminded of events that drove me into fits of anger, made me cry buckets, made me so happy I felt I could conquer the world & events I had totally forgotten about. It was almost like my life was flashing before my eyes. But I've decided that the rest of 2009 is going to be "the" new start. So I'm locking all these behind. This is to me, purging of sorts of my baggage and issues. I'm going forward with a clean slate, a better attitude and a brighter disposition. It feels like I've shed 1,331 pounds. It's all good.

-

I wanted freedom.
Bound and restricted.

I tried to give you up.

But I'm addicted. No more.

~~True love never expires.~~

& now my dear, the tale is over.

56. 2 days to 21.

2008-12-03T09:02:00.004+08:00

Too many numbers in the title space.

I grew up watching many cousins and friends (and filthy rich American kids on MTV) celebrate the 'BIG' day (in this case, turning 21) and I'd always thought I would have mine planned to perfection - down to the icky little details like, 'the colour of my toe nails' when it comes but no (GASP!), I don't have a plan, at all.

Except throwing out all diet plans. That's a plan. After this week, my belly's gonna drag on the ground. "Ooh-mmm...Gravity, I shall overcome."

Hint: You can get me some dumb bells, a treadmill, throw in a pair of good running shoes for Christmas.

Once upon a december, I would've wanted to have those extravagant 'drinks on the house', 'champagne free-flow', 'Girls gone wild' kinda pool party and the works, but nay-uh, all that holds no appeal anymore. 21, a milestone, yes, but I figured it doesn't warrant me (or anyone) to spend all hard earned moolah on such extravagance when it only promises gratification for that few hours and 'BAM!', reality hits and I will have to fill my hungry stomach with plain water and eat grass for the whole of next month. Doesn't sound like a good deal to me. (Oh my god, am I getting the hang of being 21 or what?!)

You're curious as hell to know how I'm spending my 21. Honestly, I am too. (:

55. Bloody mary.

2008-11-12T22:03:00.022+08:00

Someone once suggested drawing a vial of eachother's blood.

I just got my blood drawn and transferred into a tiny, pretty, purple tube! It was orgasmic! I guess that's what keeps me going back to the blood bank every 3 months or so - I derive the pleasure from watching the needle penetrate my skin and drawing out rich, warm, ruby red blood. I actually enjoy the sensation of blood, my blood draining out of me. It's a totally different experience from having menses. So don't even go there, smartypants.

If you have a penchant for blood like I do, you would enjoy the pictures. Mm-mmm.

On another note, tomorrow's my Napfa; maybe I can get out of it by convincing my teachers I'm weak from losing a 'great' deal of blood.

Step 1. Withdraw & deposit

Step 2. Deposit in progress

Step 3. Mission accomplished!

Step 4. Discover the Picasso within w the remaining blood

Voila~!
The bloody masterpiece.

Yours truly. ♥

54. I frown in my sleep.

2008-11-06T02:39:00.002+08:00

Singapore is too hot, and not in a good way.

How's the new skin?
GOOD / NO GOOD

I like that it borders on morbid but I think it cramp things up. I wanted this initially but it's too narcissistic for my likes.

53. Trick or Treat?

2008-10-30T23:02:00.015+08:00

♥

01. If I can convince you the lady in red is a real ghost, that will be worth the hundreds of 'ghostly' photos we took.

02. Please ignore the slick of oil on my face and the 'single eye-lid' look. How ~~SEXY~~ can one look after spending 3 hours swatting mosquitos and peering into what looked, smelled and felt like the amazon forest, looking for animals who have probably migrated to Madagascar.

It felt more like the Botanical Garden, at night. At least Botanical Garden would have nice smelling fragrant flowers, right. Right??? I don't remember I've ever been to the Botanic Garden.

So I was saying, was about to say, to be exact. Night Safari is for those with too much money and no idea what to spend on. I can find at least 2 factors that points to the fact that I do not belong in the said category. I have NO money and I would KNOW what I want to spend on if I had the money do so.

HELLO, HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

52. Carpe Diem

2008-10-14T22:28:00.010+08:00

Which translated, means "Seize the day", a descriptive term for literature that urges readers to live for the moment (from the Latin phrase seize the day, used by Horace).

How that is working on me. Hurhur.

Warning: It's THE mood.

While you debate half empty or half full, allow me to say "It's FULLY EMPTY." Only second day into my new and last (thank God) term and I'm already exhausted. I can't even summon up enough energy to feel excited that this is officially my last term.

Onto a totally different matter, my parents are here and I'm probably paying them a visit tomorrow; only because I want the home-cooked food my mom brought me. They're not here on leisure holiday and that (above) being my only reason for wanting to see them doesn't necessarily make me a horrible person, right? I won't choke on the home-cooked sambal pork and chilli tofu, will I?

There are times I listen to my heart, metaphorically speaking, (be still, beating heart - I'm not talking about you) and there are certain things I just know, but refuse to acknowledge because I cannot deal with the harsh reality of the situation. But my girlfriend keeps shoving all these ugly truths down my throat and I suspect she injects them into me even while I'm asleep. (:

She does it to protect me, I know but, can't someone view the world through rose-tinted glasses in peace?

& for kicks.

51. You'd wish I was dead.

2008-10-06T00:53:00.010+08:00

I try to say goodbye and I choke.

Hola. I am currently house-sitting now. Okayy, was. The owners just returned. In other words, I was Home Alone!!! /does Macaulay Culkin gasping pose

It has been one helluva month - I spent the whole bulk of my holiday slaving away and the perpetual grouchiness stemmed from the fact that I can't even check items off my wish-list with my meagre paycheck.

Come ~~next~~ this week, I've set aside the remaining days for the girlfriend, late-nights, sleep-in(s), Vagina Monologue, swimming, finishing up my books and simply lounging around. Sleep. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Lie in the sunshine and fart my brains out. Whatever floats my boat s'long as I don't have to be on my feet running like a wind-up mouse.

I guess you could say I want to spend the last week before school r-e-l-a-x-i-n-g, if such a blissful word is allowed to exist in my dictionary. Sleep deprivation is making me crazy, hell, it's even got my menstrual cycle messed up, my eyebags are so heavy, you would think I kept two hump-back whales in them; my hair's supposed to be down to my ass by now but NO, it has 'stunted' growth, just like the rest of me.

In the case of updates,
I lost my ez-link aka student pass
on Saturday on bus no. 132. Could the ______ person (I've yet to decide if this said person's nice or horrible) in possession of an ez-link card encased in a Pink Betty Boop cardholder please bring it down to the lost and found counter at any of the MRT/Bus stations scattered island wide? The "Made In Indonesia" sticker slapped under my picture does not mean I've returned to my motherland and no longer need the much beloved ez-link card.

An abrupt end to this entry, but I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. On a sidenote, I hope people understand when I constantly reject offers to meet; be it for breakfast/lunch/high tea/dinner/supper and chooses instead to stay home and sleep. It's because that's all the time I've got, honestly. And I want it for myself.

Did I mentioned I now have two Polly Pockets shipped from US and UK respectively? The girlfriend bought it for me! (:
Says who am I too old for it.

50. The bugs are sleeping.

2008-08-24T23:09:00.009+08:00

That, by the way, is a very nice outfit.

Is it me, or are there less cockroaches when it rains? Not that I'm complaining, they can drift off into a "forever" kinda sleep for all I care.

So I'm babbling. It's a sad excuse for an update but the other alternative is to talk about The Laptop. I doubt you want to hear me (READ about, in this case) rhapsodize about the meltdown of the laptop and the divine resurrection of it.

While we are on the topic of updates, I don't suppose it matters whether I babble on about my latest armpit hair fetish or the latest fantasy to take pictures of vomit comets since I don't think I have many readers following the sporadic updates of my degenerating blog.

In view of recent events, if I had to choose between having less/no readers OR more freaks as readers...I'll go for the former. Yeah, little Miss I'M-NASTY-AND-NOT-AT-ALL-GRACIOUS here still hasn't been able to let it go. Hello, I couldn't care less if my neighbour's house is on fire but I would wake up just to smack that mosquito who merely took a sip of my sweet sweet blood, dead. So why should you be an exception?

Coming back to the topic, yeah, my skin's still crawling from the fact that a smelly, fat (note the lethal combination) ogre incapable of generating his own thoughts and forming them into words (let alone coherent sentences) has been hungrily feeding off my words like a braindead patient on a life support machine. Again, my metaphor makes little sense, but that's not the major concern here. Eew.

You want some updates on me? I've been eating a lot of "Yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy" and "I-can-die-happy" kinda food. And "bumping into Nart" is an understatement. She almost ran me down.

And Hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess.

49. Snap! Goes the girlfriend.

2008-08-18T02:00:00.005+08:00

%%%

& the good times that I had
makes today seem rather sad.

When you use me like an ashtray putting out all your anger in me again.
You got me feeling like I'm nothing.

48. GRACIOUSNESS?

2008-08-06T08:49:00.012+08:00

Let's face it, I've never been a gracious person.
you get what you give.

For the love of my class, you're off Captain Silver's hook (I'm being really lame).
& remember, you brought this upon yourself.

-

(A BLOGGER'S DISCLAIMER)

To quote from Blogger's Disclaimer: "Never use anything off a person's site, be it writing, images or html code, unless they say otherwise. People are very attached to their work and don't usually respond well when others help themselves to it."

"If you are upset because they are writing negative things about you, ~~be reasonable~~ ~~try to see if there is a way to resolve the issues and mend your relationship with the writer~~.* If that doesn't seem to be possible, stop going to the website. "

*This doesn't apply for your case

Joker says, "Why so serious?"

47. Lie through your teeth

2008-08-05T14:06:00.017+08:00

...I hope they all fall out.

Wouldn't it be an irony if someone plagiarizes an entry about plagiarism?
For an act of plagiarism, visit: http://black-tempest.blogspot.com/

PLAGIARISM

[n] the act of plagiarizing; taking someone's words or ideas as if they were your own
[n] a piece of writing that has been copied from someone else and is presented as being your own work

I'm so disgusted and pissed right now I just want to scream like a bad actress being slashed by a killer.

(Click for larger view)

SIM WEILONG aka Jack-ASS, the ripper - It's bad enough we all have to put up with your unabashed boot-licking in class and the fact that you're by nature the most annoying and conniving creature I've ever came across but to plagiarise? I never thought you were that low down. You're not even worth the dirt beneath my feet. Well, I suppose since you have the cheek to rip off my blog, you can withstand the humiliation that comes along with it. The ugly truth always prevails.

Stop 'drawing inspiration' (as yours truly will so kindly put it) from my entries. It's not my problem that your brain packed for vacation.

'Blog ripping' is so passe. I thought we'd have outgrown it and left that horrible habit for the 13 year old(s) still searching for their own identities.

To think he vehemently denied when I confronted him. What was it he said? ''I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know your blog's link." Oh, so it was pure coincidence you share the same vocabulary bank as I do, pure coincidence you share the same thoughts as I do, pure coincidence you phrase your words the exact same way I do, pure coincidence when you too, had 4 birthday celebrations and a HOMEMADE birthday cake and PURE COINCIDENCE again when you published at least 8 entries with contents from MY blog.

Pure coincidence is when you breathe the same air as I do, trip and roll down the longest flight of stairs ever, spilling your oily guts on the way down. That, is pure coincidence.

After rounds of gruelling interrogation only did he fess up to 'borrowing' my words. ROUNDSSS.

"I don't know what you would do", was the sad excuse for denying it the first couple of times I asked. EXCUSE ME? I stand at 1.56 m, weighs 55 kg whereas you TOWER over me and weighs FIVE times what I weigh. WHAT. ON. THIS. FREAKING. MELTING. EARTH. CAN. I. DO. TO. YOU?!

"I'm a coward", he said.

HELLO, I didn't ask for your middle name. Is that little name-calling suppose to appease me? I wouldn't even bat an eyeleash if you grovel at my feet with the word 'COWARD' splashed across your fat face.

When asked why he had to rip off and with such little tact (I mean, rip off WORD-FOR-WORD?!), he replied, "You expressed whatever I felt so I don't see the need to edit it. And it's my personal blog, I don't see what's wrong with it." WHAT'S WRONG?! How dare you stand there shaking your head as your freaking double chin wobble and threaten to bitch-slap your shoulders and ask me WHAT IS WRONGGG?!? Someone please tell me what is NOT wrong. Throughout primary school education we've been taught to 'express in our own words' for English comprehension. And as far as I can remember, ANY document or work carrying your name is equivalent to a warrant that the work is original and your own.

If there's nothing wrong with what you did (and still doing), does that mean that I can pick up a book and upon deciding that I like it because it 'inspires' me; I can rip it off, slap on a new title like, 'CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE FUCKING RIPPER SOUL' then publish it under MY name and call it MINE?

Before I end off, WHY delete all my beautiful tags, Weilong? Afraid people will know of your dirty little secret? Sorry, I'm not good at keeping 'em.

THERE! Another new entry.
Go on, rip it Weilong! This entry surely speaks volumes about YOU. (:

46. Bad Habits

2008-08-01T21:30:00.009+08:00

That's the movie I want to watch.

3:58 PM
The gates of hell swings open today, they're all over the place. First day of the hungry ghost festival and I've already met a ghost before dawn even descended. Ghost of my past, that is.

The recognition in your eyes sent chills up and down my spine yet my skin felt blazed where you set your eyes upon.

I think I'm making myself ill with stress.

-

On a happier note, let's go back in time...to this morning.

7:00 AM
(note: I'm not suppose to be awake until an hour later)
drifting between sleep and consciousness, I heard Nic say, "Eh your letter, I open ah." In the next instant, I was rudely jolted out of snooze state by Nic's squeals of excitement and "good morning" was a blur of lanky arms flailing and a letter thrust in my face.

"What, what, WHAT!?" and then, "OH. MY. GOD."

A few minutes of weird victory dance followed. Then Nic gave me the usual 'peck, goodbye, see you later, scurries out the door', and I, clutching the letter, drifted back to sleep.

8:36 AM
Naturally, I woke up late.

The first thing that came into my mind was, "Fuck, I'm late! Nic, you didn't call me!!!" BUT, instead of jumping out off bed and into the shower, I took my phone and text Nic: "Poo never call me!? I'm lateee! Haha!" Not the wisest move and it sure makes you wonder if words like 'punctuality'and 'urgency' exist in my dicitionary.

Text sent, I still didn't hit the showers. I laid in bed dazed, then turned my attention to the letter. (smiling like a goofball the whole time) Cliché as it may sound, I had to pinch myself. This morning felt strange, the letter feels strange, the contents in the letter, even stranger. If I read the letter over and over again, will the contents in it change? It's a thin line between imaginary and the real, and sometimes I don't trust myself to distinguish between the two.

"Congratulations for doing well in your studies."

Ohmygod, I got a scholarship?!?

45. 5 minutes to do this shit.

2008-07-24T17:07:00.011+08:00

Nothing short of awesome.

See those fishes feeding off me? (actually, those are Sweetie Seah's legs, you can only see the beginning of my fat feet.) So I was saying, they chewed off my right big toe.
Really?! No, not really. Nic's idea of therapy soon became mine too.
I want fishies eating me, I like fishies eating me!

Why is there an ugly black triangle on the upper left corner?
(Took me a minute to decide if that was left or right. Hahaha!)

It looks like _ _ _(fill in the blanks)_ _ _.

If you have the same warped sense of humour and imagination as I do, you'd know, sure as the sky is blue. If you don't, give it up. It's better that way.

This entry is senseless but life doesn't make sense. So, make do.

44. OPINIONS

2008-07-15T14:51:00.007+08:00

wanted.
No walk-in interview required.

Hola! One of the assignments in my design class is to design a magazine cover and my inspiration sprouts from my favourite local Juice magazine. Your task is easy, just tell me which you like best.

Yours truly.
As random as flowers in your hair.

43. I'M MISSUS S.

2008-07-15T03:13:00.007+08:00

Let's flip a coin.
Heads, you're mine. Tails, I'm yours.

I like that there's someone as anal as I am out there who proofs read on my behalf. Gracias.

-

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

42. Now I know

2008-07-08T17:01:00.010+08:00

...what they mean when they say 'Silence is golden'.

Next time, remind me to put my foot where my mouth is.
Second day into the new term and already things are spiraling down, down, down.
Say hello to Missy Scapegoat.

Oh, mood swing, mood swing.
Like I always say, if you can't take me at my ~~worse~~ worst, you definitely don't deserve me at my best.

Gbye boo boo-filled day! (That's putting it nicely. What I really meant to say was, "The hell with you!") I feel sooo much better coming home to Nic and Tiny. Tomorrow is vaccination day for my new baby! And the fact that Nicky's mom bought me a very pretty sun dress works well to soothe all boo boos, too. Thank god for small favours. (:

41. For all stickers collectors.

2008-06-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

If you were a kiss, I know I'll be a hug.

Through this I realized that I like balloons, and yards of endless plain pastures; and I prefer cloudy days (second to stormy days but The little sticker book didn't include raindrops and lightning bolts) over sunny days. And that I will be contented living with just one cat and two bumble bees.

A picturesque description of paradise.
Create your own with The Little Small Sticker Book by ~snut

Have fun!

40. T for Temperature.

2008-06-24T02:27:00.007+08:00

Q: Fall in love with ________.

T for Tiny, whom I absolutely adore.
T for Tuesday, hopefully a better day.
T for Tea, the one drink I couldn't have today.
T for Tentacles so I can get more things done.
T for Taciturn; temperamentally disinclined to talk.
T for Tantrums, something I've been on the verge of throwing.
T for Ta-ta which means bye bye, right?

39. Bellina(s)

2008-06-18T15:05:00.014+08:00

Bellina, in more ways than one.

Poached, deep-fried, steamed, stir-fried or double-boiled?

I googled my name and yielded the following. Funny, checked. Silly, yes. But at least all PG, nothing pornographic so I take comfort in that. (:

The funny thing is, the items my name 'endorses' actually coincides with my characteristic and the things I like.

01. The light is pretty damn useless.

I can finally say, "Where's MY tweezer" out loud.

02. I like orchids!

Phalaenopsis Bellina

www: Pbase

03. Am I entitled special discounts?

www: Bellinachick

It was from this site that I 'traced' back to the roots of my name and what I discovered almost got me recoiling in horror; "Bellina means cute in Italian".

Eee-yuck.

Why not goofy.
Why not clumsy.

Why not vivacious.
Why not kickass.

Why not funky.

Why not sexy.

Why not gay.

Why not flamboyant.

Why cute-eeew.

04. Look, I 'make' babies!

www: BellinaBabies

Everyone knows I love babies and the design of the website features a baby nesting in a white Calla Lily. Coincidence?

05. Coffee, tea or ME?

06. Last but not least, my favourite.

www: Luniper

I fit the bill!

38. 100°C

2008-06-17T01:59:00.005+08:00

That's the temperature outside.
& very possibly the boiling point of my blood for the past few days.

The inside of my cheeks are sore from chewing on them. That's for holding back my anger.

I want a shirt that says, "GO AWAY." & "DON'T TOUCH ME." I dread going to work now because I have to see a very disgusting 'man-pig' who has nasty (those knock-the-wind-out-of-you kinda) body odour. Buster, the next time you hit my boob (or any part of me for the matter) 'accidently', I'm gonna slice off your balls with a blunt knife, blend it and then spread it on your toast like bread and butter. Yummy mummy. But seriously, you smell so woofuckinghoo bad, I wouldn't go near you with a ten foot pole. You and I both know I detest you, so keep it that way and keep out of my way.

How nice it would be if people's hearts came with peepholes. I'll stick a tube through it and pour acid in.

-

This holiday,
weekdays are reserved for work and Visual Diary. With an exception of certain dates like this coming wednesday. Weekend mornings used to be reserved for work too but I've decided to reward myself with the company of lovely people I promised to meet and, more rest days.

First session of Visual Diary went well and Ash showed us a couple of videos after the session. Made me laugh so hard but it's still second to last night in bed! We (Nic & I) were practically snorting under our comforter. It was good but tiring, laughing so hard at 4:00 am.

I just bathed Tiny baby and I think we're keeping him! :D He's so used to sleeping on our bed, I doubt he'll have it any other way. I really, really hope we can keep him. I would even trade shopping for him, seriously. Cuddlebums! He's waiting for me to sleep!

So anyway, enjoy, cos this is all you're getting from me. I won't be replying texts nor returning calls; simply because I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT. Can't promise when this spell will past so till then, gbye.

01. "BUHLUD"

02. FIRE 'TRUCK'

03. Happy-Mad, just like me.

04. Once Bitten, Not Enough

37. Married Lovers

2008-06-11T17:59:00.009+08:00

WHAT'S THE STORY, MORNING GLORY?

Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!
Jackie Collin's got a new book!

(Don't need to count, I'll tell you I said it 13 times.)

Until I get it, I'll settle for this one week+ old 'new' cat round the block.

Little Nicky/Chip/Zip/Tiny/Ti-ti (derived from 'Tiny', pronounced 'Tai-Tai')

Charming little guy ain't he? I love, love, love, love him to bits; from the tip of his little brown nose to the bottom of his black-pink paws!

-

On a more serious note, I had a dream a couple of nights back and someone kept singing this line over and over again:

"Don't chase the air, I know it's wind, it can't get away."

I think it would be silly of me to read too deep into a dream but this has to be the most...moving, most realistic(?) dream I've ever had. See, I can't even put a finger to it. It wasn't anything eerie. On second thought, maybe it was.

My dreams usually consists of images speeding past my closed eyelids but this particular dream was like a record playing over and over again. No images, only singing. I felt really light and relaxed, then a wave of malaise washed over me for a brief instant and the singing got so loud and persistent, it actually woke me up - much to my annoyance and I remember saying out loud, "Ok ok, I heard you ok? Enough!" and typed it into my phone. I would never have been able to remember it otherwise.

I have many theories about it but I don't think it's nice to bore you with a dry monologue about my dream predictions.

How would you construe it?

36. People always ask why.

2008-05-26T01:10:00.000+08:00

I say, just 'cos.

Yay, it's Monday again, which means we're into another new week. Which also means we're drawing nearer to the holidays, again!

That said, last week was very much like every other week except that I had my weekends cramped with extra activity instead of just work and play. On second thought, the extra activity was a combination of both work & play. For many, the weekends, Sunday especially, is their day of rest from the relentless pace of work, office and school, from the white noise of the metropolis, from the petty, mundane concerns that weighs us down in the heady rush of life and routine. It hasn't been quite a weekly endeavour for me.

If you ask me, I think the weekend passes by me too fast. Just Friday, I was working hard on my feet, trying my best to be a good receptionist, and a good publicist, and a hostess, all rolled into one. Then came the 'letting down your hair' part; contrary to that, my hair was all neatly tucked up in a 'Nip/Tuck' fashion. I got royally pissed and...it felt deliriously good for awhile but when realization that I've got work in the morning the next day sank in...woo boy. Good thing a cup of hot tea did it for me and no nasty hangover the next day.

Saturday was good in a 'I've-got-no-urgent-issues-to-attend-to' kinda way so Nic dressed me up (I felt like Barbie!) and we went crazzzzzy shopping but came back empty-handed. She did a repeat today and yielded the same result. Haha!

In the time it took me to blink, Monday has come and replaced Sunday. I feel like I'm being forced into battle mode without prior notice nor proper training. Like, if I were a sticky note or a magnet on a calendar, I was yanked off Friday, last week and placed on Monday, this week, figuratively speaking.

Right now, instead of snuggling between the covers for a good night's sleep, I'm online asking/searching for directions to get to Anglo-Chinese High (Independent). The lack of sleep, topped with a parched throat that never seems satiated no matter how many gallons of barley I down. Here's my cue to say, "My throat feels like a bitch."

I'm still awaiting my official 'rest day' where I can literally veg out in the straight line of a fan and clear my mind of debris, flotsam and itsy bitsy nitty gritty. This exhaustion, more so mental than physical, can be remedied by a couple of days of sleeping in late.

35. Do the hustle.

2008-05-17T23:01:00.008+08:00

Run away, run away.
And make tomorrow harder to live than today.

A sudden urge to revisit a site Char and I used to visit back in secondary school years.

(Chicken, the way you like it.)

Nothing has changed, the subservient chicken remains obedient, if not more subservient (if he can be any more, that is). Oh but the chicken rejected my request for a hug.

-

Righto! My company's back, which means the chicken wings are ready! Marilyn's mom's one helluva cook. Mmmm...!

34. I can smell the rain

2008-05-10T02:59:00.007+08:00

...& hear the slow rumble of an approaching thunderstorm. Yay!

I had a rotten day. It's one of those "I woke up with my eyebrows shaved off/my dog ate my homework, choked & died/I left the house & a bus ran over my toes/then I tripped & fell flat on my face, skirt hitched over my head in front of the school heart throb" kind of bad day. It is THAT rotten. I left school with my head burning from anger and the only thing on my mind was to run home and curl up into a ball of self pity. The hormones made it worse.

But alas, I still went out in the end and ended up making impulse purchases; earrings (oh, my one & only guitly pleasure), ring, wallet (whaaat?!). It could've been the rotten day that clouded my decision making but I lived without a wallet for the past couple of months; I could easily live without one for another few months, years even, but no, I had to listen to the devil in me and fritter away my hard-earned cash. And because I was in sucha lousy mood, Nic didn't even try to stop the purchase. That and the fact that we were very late on meeting the girls. So it was 'in-grab-pay-out'. Argh!!! Now my wallet and I have a love/hate relationship. I bought a wallet but have no cash to fill it with.

-

And because I feel so much better after a night out with a group of insanely adorable people, it's just fair to reward you voyeurs with some pictures.

Don't you absolutely hate it when people
interrupt your camwhoring? (:

In Nic's world of love, I'm 2nd to this.
She would rather spend $9 on this than to feed me.
So, I'm not as satisfying as this 45g worth of love,
totally understandable.

-

Off the cuff, there are 8 Birthdays in May and 3 chalets. Out of which, two falls on the same day. That said, I shall go to neither.

G'night prying eyes.

33. We all love quickies.

2008-05-06T18:15:00.009+08:00

No, this is not going to be a retrospective. I'm thankfully quite wrapped up in the present these days.

I call this: an experiment to see how quickly I can blog before heading out.

What other news through yonder window breaks? Yesterday we won 2nd in the competition for National Day celebration in the Heartlands and are now 'immensely' rich to the tune of $75 each. $600 prize money in total to be split among 8 Oompa Loompa(s). (:

When they announced the winners yesterday, somewhere in the back of my mind, a choir started singing. All the nights we tolled without sleep and even when I do manage to sleep, I dreamt about the project. Literally. Oh, the price to pay for success.

4 entries from my class, 3 won. Even the 1 group that didn't win, they did well above average. These wins meant a lot to us, me in particular. Hopefully it means the teachers will finally see our class in a different light. No longer THE Black sheep among the event management classes.

So anyway, we've been given the day off for working so hard and I cleared my sleep debt and slept a total of 12 hours...and I can sleep again!

A lot has been happening. New modules, new projects, new time table. The time table has returned to its glorious days. Tuesdays and ~~Wednesdays~~ Fridays (thanks for pointing this out Sharie, I really ought to proof read), I start at 11am and 12pm respectively. Woohoo!

Given that the chronological distance between each of these entries has relegated their disclosures to generalities, I don't think I have anything else interesting to say.

32. Yours Truly.

2008-04-13T00:31:00.008+08:00

Tell the devil it was Bell who took your life.

Mucho thanks Nickypoo!
I love you still, even though I overheard your plans to kill me with the glass coasters. (:

-

"That's a cute butterfly."
"It's a bumble bee."
"Ooh.."

*scribbles scribbles*

"THAT ISN'T A BUMBLE BEE!!?? It looks like a flying rambutan."
"HEY."

-

I'm ready to the last gaiter for school. People like you are merely a satire upon our society. Keep doing what you do, and your hate club will grow to rival the population of China soon.

31. During work today

2008-04-12T00:11:00.007+08:00

we idled away the remaining hours of my shift by having my Nepali colleague translate our names and common surnames in Nepalese and this is what we derived:

Note: Spelling may defer from the actual word, we translated based on phonics (:

Lee = Take it!
Lim = Can I take it?
Teo = That
Chia = Tea
Low = To express shock. Equivalent to our "Ah!?"

Bellina Kho/Koh Qian Lin

Koh = Lost
Lin = Gender

Add them both and you get?

Lost gender.

I wonder if my parents have any idea.

-

On a different note, my entire school vacation is wasted. Squandered. Pointless. I have done nothing more than work my ass off in order to save up for school fees and well, yes, in between getting my next paycheck I actually donated my hard earned shekels to the 'Test My Horizontal Limit' fund. Now my holiday is coming to an end and soon I will be drowned in a pool of assignments. So I figured changing the layout of my blog will help towards making me feel like I did something useful since it has been on to-do list for the last few decades...and looks like it will have to stay on my to-do list till the end of next decade cos I'm being booted off the computer.

30. damn female hormones.

2008-03-07T14:14:00.014+08:00

Marching into March...

I skipped a 3 hours school day and stayed home with the sad excuse of menstrual cramps. This has to stop. I miss at least 2 days of school every month because I double in pain if I make even the slightest move of getting out of bed on a bmcd (Bad Menstrual Cramps Day). Woohoo, I just created a noun.

I refused to go to lunch with Nic so I'm home alone now and indulging in online shopping. I'm wondering; when one shops in a mall without buying anything it's called 'window shopping'. So what is it when one shops online without making any purchase? Online Window Shopping?

On another note, I never realized how good buttercream taste until I gobbled down two cupcakes yesterday. Rich, smooth, creamy, finger-lickin'-good buttercream. It left me bloated and I felt sick but hell, I wanna do it again today.

Whenever people brush up against me, whether intention or unitentional, I get the involuntary urge to give them a good shove in the opposite direction and then run myself under icy cold water. I conclude that I love my space too obsessively much, the end.

48 words

29. OH YEAH.

2008-02-17T08:48:00.009+08:00

You're a teaser, you turn 'em on.

Draw on your own bag! This black cloth bag has a letter-sized looseleaf paper design where you can draw your thoughts and doodles… or have your friends customize it!

~~Sonic~~ Needles, the Hedgehog.

On the hedgehog that never was. Cheryl promised to bring home Needles (the hedgehog) but never did and she's away in Batam enjoying the polluted air and sinfully cheap shopping. Why am making such a stink out of it even though it isn't at all cuddly? Well, my want to see/hold/touch/keep the hedgehog just went up 3 notches after watching this video.

In place of the hedgehog was a tortoise; I never really 'connected' with her but hell, Nic seemed to love her and even got around to naming her. 'Tots' (a round of applause for 'creativity' please) was with us for two weeks until Friday morning. Nic left the room for a leak and came back looking sooo forlorn; from my view (in bed) rubbing sleep from my eyes, I thought she looked every bit like a guy who just flushed his manhood away. We all know the intimate relationship guys have with their 'jewels'..and before I delve further into human anatomy, back to what I was saying, yes, Tots. was. gone. No, not dead, you tofu-head. Cheryl simply sent her packing, shell and all.

And speaking of the devil, she just walked through the door....with a box of Indo Mie!?! (screams) Ayam Rasas Mee Bawang - the world's leading instant noodles. Ahh...all's forgiven.

Nic's going to fly off the handle when she reads this entry cos I chose staying home over going out with her in the name of finishing up my project.

Hello 18th, it's you again.
il♥veyou (:

28. Gong Xi what?

2008-02-11T23:54:00.002+08:00

You were just too busy with yourself.
You were never there for me to express how I felt.

Spent eve of chinese new year back in Indonesia and weird as it may sound, I didn't feel the least bit 'at home' even though I'm 'home'. Confusing statement. So I went through the whole reunion dinner process with the family (a tad bit awkward so it was a relief the steam from the steamboat fogged up my vision) and spent the rest of the night shooting fireworks into the sky and exchanging grotesque video clips (dissected bodies/heads, etc) with my brother. No, you did not read wrong. Fireworks are legal in Indonesia - and my dad bought enough for us to celebrate both Indonesia's and Singapore's National Day.

I returned to Singapore a guilty bitch because I hardly spent time with my dad, knowing very well he wanted a 'father-daughter' talk. I can't believe how self-centered I am. My only purpose on going back was to shop, shop, shop and get money. For those who think I ought to be burnt on the stake, it will be comforting to know that most shops were closed (it being the 1st day of CNY) so shopping I got none. Retribution, well deserved.

-

For really and truly. I shall not gamble until the next leap year. -Aftermath of Chinese New Year.

27. Hello 2008.

2008-01-06T20:10:00.000+08:00

It won't mean a thing in a hundred years.

سنة ميلادية مبارك

Happy n-eew year looks nicer in Arabic.

-

School starts tomorrow:
"Yay. Boo. Woohoo. Yikes. Eew."

& It's going to be rough.
It's a mélange of sensations, going back to school.

-

Q: How to dye fabrics?

Nic bought a dye that came with no instructions. So we left it soaking in the pail.

/try some of your own medicine
It may seem fun dishing 'em out, but having to swallow the insults, (albeit cleverly disguised as 'jokes') isn't a single bit fun. Somethings I don't say, because I'm saving you face. If you have the cowsense I think you possess, you would drop whatever half-baked plans you have up your sleeve.
Cos if we fight, I will win.

26. Swooned.

2007-12-28T01:54:00.000+08:00

Sing a Song.

Nic actually hauled her lazy ass off the chair just to make me herbal tea in hope to speed up the healing process of the ulcer I've been nursing since Christmas. God, there is hope for mankind.

I'm entirely enamored.

Figured I could do a quick update, maybe 'My life in a list' sort of thing but the bed beckons so later. Ok, I just spent 3 minutes online proclaiming my love for my girlfriend. And this entry is so cryptic. Ha. If you're smart.

25. Begone will you.

2007-12-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

Lightly beat together the eggs.

I have to show this off.

Not this.

THIS!

This is my birthday present, hand-delivered to my ~~doorstep~~ into my house. Afterwhich the artist/delivery girl plonked herself nicely in front of the mahjong table and then spent a good 30 minutes warming the seat of my toilet bowl, too.

That, and a perfect blogskin.

Thank you Nart fart.

24. 5th - 14th December.

2007-12-16T17:01:00.001+08:00

/you give me reasons to write

Many have said to me that I must have been born under an unlucky star; or that God was always smiling on me. You decide.

If it's for me to say, I'd say I've had a few stunningly rotten things happen to me in my life, and when I saw them through, it was because infinitely better things were waiting for me on the other side. Rough times aside, I have had an amazingly, astoundingly, blessed life. God has put me on so many interesting paths....I have wonderful friends; a warm bed to return to and a girlfriend who waits up when I work late; I've an education despite many objections and I've a job which pays the bills and put the food on the table.

I take credit for none of this, life has simply been an endless stream of black-cat luck for me.

The aftermath of a series of celebrations I was not prepared for: I am not going to pretend I am not happy and grateful about Nic and Cherlyn's surprise celebrations for me.

All in all, I had 4 celebrations; each with an element of surprise, one way or another.

First with my colleagues, then with Hazel, twins, Bea, Sutrisno, then with Nart and last, with the crazy 'housemates'.

In no particular order, thank you all - classmates, colleagues, family, friends; for giving me such a memorable 20th birthday. For the lovely handcrafted/personalized cards, drawing and presents. For the homemade birthday cake. For the Spongebob cupcakes. For the wonderful dinner dates. And for the countless Birthday Wishes that flooded my inbox.

That said, being 20 is nothing spectacular. I'm simply being the object of higher expectations, and lesser leeways. That alone gives me no reason to celebrate but still, I did and enjoyed every single second of it.

-

Psychobabble, Hainan style: The no blain cokroach brocking my way uses a zamzong phone with a spoilt membrey card drinks wader and eats vegeble.

/hainan, replayed

Tired and happy after a week in Hainan, I'm back! (Insert angry words) Blogger got hungry and ate a huge chunk of words which I will not re-type.

The weather was divine, the company, what can I say? (:

Moving onto the main - the children were...can I say, untainted by the commercialized world?

The way they shy away from us and then slowly inch closer to us just so they could get a glimpse of our digital cameras was so endearing.

We painted and scrubbed classrooms, it's nothing to brag about to be honest; considering there were only 6 classrooms in total and each classroom not bigger than 3 regular sized storage rooms add up. That's the best example I can come up with for now.

The most rewarding aspect of my service is seeing how much the kids enjoyed our company and their fervor in mastering the few sentences in English, a language totally foreign to them. The emotions that flooded me when they greeted me in halting english when we met around the school grounds was indescribable.

Aside from leaving behind our painting that threatened to rival Picasso's, the laughter, the friendships and the lessons we taught, we left our hearts behind, too.

Alright mates, Nart's just arrived with my present, more pictures coming up! Right now she's waiting for me uhmm...at the mahjong table so, ta-ta.

23. Hainan, chicken rice's hometown.

2007-12-07T12:07:00.003+08:00

Tiger flies, too.

Hello Singapore!

A quickie before I walk through Gate 4 and onboard the plane to Hainan, China. Where the weather is nice and cool at a constant 16°C and the diet of the people consists of 'cardboard pau', live fish and decomposing chicken. Ahh...the pinnacle of fine gourmet food indeed! The mere thought of that just sends me into a salivating frenzy, yeah right. I'm practically foaming at the mouth.

God, help.

I'm queasy and my stomach's bloated from too much champagne. My head throbs and I threaten to release a fart anytime soon. Whooops, that's my flight! Before I run, mucho love and misses to UglyBetty & Co and Nic love, of course. Ohmy, I feel the tears stinging the walls of my eyes already. Sniffles. Choke. I'm an emotional wreck.

iloveYOU! Ahhh, gotta run run run!

-Bell, reporting live from Budget Terminal.

22. Last of the year.

2007-12-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.

Hello there.

Since the melt-down of our desktop, I've composed countless entries on my mind and never got the opportunity to post it. Now opportunity is thrown at me, I'm too lazy to give a detailed update. I just want to sit here and enjoy each passing minute of glorious internet and generally every wonderful function this fabulous IT gadget has to offer.

As we open the door to december, we come to face with the biggest cross on my annual calender (excluding my 3rd anniversary which was last 18th ). Mushy love notes aside, this month I'll be celebrating my 2nd decade on earth. Wow-o-wow-o-wow. The idea that I'll be 20 in four days is daunting; at the same time, I'm so psyched I've got adrenaline shooting out of my ears.

This birthday, I don't want much; let me lie on the sofa in the direct line of a fan, unlimited supply of Tom yam, Ben & Jerry's, Kit kats and plenty of books. Mmm-mmm. Yeah, why not?

It took me about 10 minutes to type the above. I had to re-type 'psyched' about 3 times before I got it right. To think I thought I could blindly jab my way around. Being sleepy played with a person's acuity. I am so inexplicably heavy with fatigue, it feels like my head is slowly caving in. I think it might be PMS-related. Which brings me to the topic of my swinging moods. Warning: faster than monkeys swing from tree to tree.

I like to think that I'm entitled to be prissy and bitchy because I've used up today's, this month's, hell, maybe even NEXT year's reserves of good girl. I'm done with people clinging onto my tailcoat of success. Pffft.

Pictures in uniforms.

Nothing beats the IJ uniform I wore for 10 years but aye, what the uniform lacked, the company made up.

Affectionately christened 'Ugly Betty'.

The ladies who make school more bearable.

This new skin's nice and clean and easy on the eyes, but can someone scratch the "Will you?" part? It sounds too needy. Complain, complain, complain. A girl's got to do what she does best.

-

/edit

WATCH THIS YOU DOOFOOS.
For a mere 4 minutes 32 seconds, this is the best laugh ever.

An over-analyzed Bollywood film.

"Who put the goat in there. The yellow goat I ate?!? oOOoooOoOo...!"

Ohmy(fill in the blank), hahahaha! I can't take it, this is ingenious.

21. Ooh, freaky friday.

2007-10-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

I don't do mornings.

Since the new term started, I've tried to make it on time for morning assembly but fate has a cruel way of playing with me. Day after day, I practically draggg myself to school by 7:57 AM (3 mins for my stubby legs to carry me to the top of the amphitheatre) but the school never fails to drop a bomb on me every morning; a slight drizzle and assembly's cancelled, a low rumble of thunder, too. A faulty PA system the next day, hurhur.

That aside, let's talk about today. Fridays seem almost...perfect. I begin my day at 8am and end at 11am. You would think I deserve a treat after a whole week of trying to be a model student. HA.

Alas, perfect it was not meant to be. I went to school only to find out my next 2 lessons have been cancelled. 3 hours of lessons, out of which 2 hours cancelled. Do the math and I got an unsettled empty feeling in my stomach, partly from hunger, mostly from anger. As it is already, I woke up feeling like I'd gone 10 rounds. I don't have trouble sleeping, but I appear to pull every muscle I have while I'm doing it, usually accompanied with weird dreams I can't recall. I really need to know what I do in my sleep and find out how to appease the angry Gods who are playing with my fate.

Now about the weather. I can really feel the weather change today - it's hot, hot, HOT. The global thermostat is malfunctioning. Everywhere nature is unsettled and, most likely, mankind deserves much of the blame. It's too hot for anyone to be out in the field singing the classic 'Batman' theme.

My eyes hurt from the 'non-toxic' smoke churned out from the smoke machine at The Arena last night and obvious lack of sleep. My eyes always hurt. Maybe these are signs of premature-blindeness. I'm going to take another leave of absence from staring at the computer screen before I'm fully consumed by paranoia. Hopefully I'll be back soon. If you're still reading, thank you for your patience.

You know
I ♥ you.

20. At 9am I'll get my results.

2007-10-03T00:14:00.002+08:00

At 9am, I'll get my results. Sorry I'm not funny.

Wow. Has it really been 37 days since I last wrote anything? Guess not much is going on - and that can be a good thing.

A rundown of what I've been up to.

Since the holidays started, I've been clocking hours at work. I am sad to report, at $6 per hour, on an average of 9 hours a day, 6 days per week, I'm still not cut out to be the next Bill Gates. Not considering the amount of bills stuck on the refrigerator door. And if you really bought the 'bills on the refrigerator door' poppycock, you don't know me well enough.

I'm well aware there are countless meet ups wayyy overdue. I'm sorry! I say, be patient. I promise I'm worth your wait. (: So anyway, I finally had 2 days of relative peace and quiet. I was finally (again) able to take care of the huge piles of odd, small projects that have been sitting on my mental 'to-do list' for months. Hence, my mind is noticeably free of clutter and I know things are finally (yet again) out of the in-box. It is quite a feeling of accomplishment.

I did quite a number of things during the last 48 hours so that's quite an achievement. I cleared up my sleep debts, watched dvds, caught tv re-runs, binged & put on weight (notice the lethal combination), changed the sheets, ironed my clothes (sad, the imitation of the 'leaning tower of Pisa' my clothes were constructing was going pretty well). Back to my list of 'accomplishments', I coughed my lungs out, fed the cat carnations, took photos, imitated the M1 IDD 'Mumbai la, India!' advert at least 5 times and....(dig this) BAKED. If you scroll down, I actually swore in my last entry never to bake again, or something along that line but hey hey hey, I SUCCEEDED this time round! And that, is said with the self-satisfaction of someone who had just met God on the street and been greeted by name. Woofreakinghoo!

I didn't think of documenting my success until every single bite was savoured so...to give you a gist of what I baked, this is it.

Molten Valrhona Chocolate cake.

(Tinypic ate up the cake)

Otherwise known as, Lava Cake. I don't have to explain why.

That, my friend, is orgasmic. You haven't lived if you haven't tried that. Mark my words, I don't lie. Liar. Okayy, honestly, not when it comes to food.

Oh and during the 37 days hiatus, I got highly and dangerously addicted to cough mixture that causes drowsiness and kit-kat. Someone, anyone, buy me kit-kat. And I also realized, I can never ever love a guy. I hate to sound SO lesbian, but that's what I am. I love girls. I don't know if I should rejoice at that statement or what.

That's it, the rundown.

On a sidenote, I find it so amusing that when I try to type 'kiss' on my phone (with predictive text function on), I get 'Lips'.

As of now, I don't really know what I'm doing, but I love it. And might I add, I love Nic too.

19. After Gotham.

2007-08-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

A dead lover.

I woke up to gnomes having a fiesta in my head, jackhammers relentlessly pounding out the rhythm to Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls". My eyes stung so bad I thought I was going blind. If that was how hangovers feel like, I could've sworn I was experiencing one; only that wasn't possible since I didn't drink. And one couldn't possibly get drunk on water and strepsils.

On another note, Alumnite at Gotham was a blast. That is, minus the fact that I did a sloppy job as the emcee. Many a time I wished my dress would blend so well with the curtains on stage that I could disappear altogether. Oh god, embarrassment city here I come. Ah well. At least now I can blow on the tip of my finger like it was a smoking gun and say, "one down". Thanks to all who showered encouragement my way anyway, especially my co-host, Risma. I'm so darn glad it's over now. (:

Moving on, I tried my hands at baking again and not surprisingly, I failed miserably again. Next time I get the urge to bake, somebody, ANYBODY, cuff me to the bed posts or shove icky tasting food down my throat till I feel too sick to get out of bed, please. I'm wasting good-quality ingredients. Chocolate Mousse Cake my big fat ass! And I thought nothing could go wrong today, especially since Nic did all the washing up for me. Haha!

18. Maybe it's you.

2007-08-21T20:35:00.000+08:00

A desire to be in the physical vacinity of you has me so emotionally attached to the idea of a forever.

This time, my thoughts are actually coherent but I can't make sense. My life revolves around an agendum. I feel like being selfish for a day, a month, who knows, maybe even a year.

Here one day and gone the next, I'll leave messages unreplied, phonecalls unreturned and if I say that I'll see you, I probably won't. I feel like crying till the knot forms in my throat. I feel like screaming till my voice box disintegrates & rupture. I feel like I need to write a book to make everyone understand these days. It comes to a point in time that I don't even want anyone to understand because trying is so burdensome. Oh, don't bullcrap me and say "You understand" because that's a banality and we both know you don't. Maybe that's your way of showing concern but really, I just want to be left alone.

It would be nice to feel a hand brush the hair off of my face as I read these words off the screen again and again. Sometimes, no words of comfort are needed. Sit here with me, but don't try to understand.

Ow, my eyes sting.

17. Pictorial Post, no more.

2007-08-19T23:10:00.001+08:00

What kind of father might hate his daughter if she were gay.

Well what have I been doing. I called my dad last night and he sounded cheerful despite his leg injury. On the subject of his injury, my heart skipped a beat when I got my sis's text. Amid the whole chunk of words she sent, my mind only registered "father", "accident". I almost broke out in cold sweat, whew. Anyway, I'm not accustomed to talking about my dad so let's just leave it at that. I miss him terribly.

On another note, I wonder if my dad has the slightest clue about my sexual orientation?

-

I have been called upon to provide more about my life in my blog entries but I wonder why the person doesn't ask me, directly, what he or she would like to know. Sometimes I feel like spewing streams of words and feelings but one way or another, they never show up in these entries. (: Can't say a girl didn't try.

Fly.

16. Rush Hour 3

2007-08-15T22:19:00.001+08:00

Cross your toes. Close your eyes.
I know something you don't know.

Ayin and I played 'movie campanions' today and caught Rush Hour 3. My mouth is still smarting from laughing too much; my whole body aches from yesterday's run and laughing too hard, again. I left the theatre wondering WHY I did not catch Rush Hour 1 & 2. Was I even alive then!?!

Hiroyuki Sanada

Had it not been for him, Chris tucker would've completely stolen the movie! Gagaga, look at him! Hot, hot, hot and it isn't my fever.

On a totally unrelated note, this is by far, in my opinion, the best portrait photograph I've taken of anyone. Ros and Ayin. (:

I still want to watch Disturbia, only add Dead Silence to the list now.

15. Nicky's super 18th.

2007-08-13T20:51:00.001+08:00

Your destiny may keep you warm.

I haven't updated in awhile because I've been updating in my mind. That sounds almost irrational, doesn't it? That's probably what Ayin, Vic and Sam thought when I told them exactly that. Let me explain. I was staring out the window in the train this morning (not that I had much of a choice, my face was pressed to door). Back to what I was saying, I've a terrible habit of straying, take for example today...ok, I'm being annoying. (:

All right, seriously. So it dawned on me that my blog has been neglected and snap! my brain was aroused by the sudden impulse to update and that's exactly what it did. Right there in the train, with the strong smell of aftershave and over-powering cologne/perfume shrouding me. Add morning breath to the list. I wanted to start this entry announcing that I'm still in the land of the living and then I changed my mind because the gates of hell are supposedly 'opened' now - which technically means we're among the dead, or the dead are among us, whichever way you like.

And my train of thoughts just got wrecked by Nic. For good, I suppose. I'm babbling incoherently.

The real reason for this entry:

Eye candy, literally, specially for her. I love you Nic, Happy duper 18th!!! 18 or not, you're still my baby! Yo, I gotta run now, wouldn't do good to keep the birthday girl waiting! <3

Oh and for the curious, my weekend was great, Hazel and Sutrisno and a helluva catching up we did. Thanks you two goobs!

14. I detest Mr. Big Black Head

2007-07-31T19:20:00.000+08:00

Hit or miss, fuck or fight, it's time to live your life
Go ahead, I know I'm right, I'm gonna lay it on the line

When too much energy has been spent on all the tests and projects already, and when I don't feel like sharing the conversation I had with and in my mind, this is the way to update.

First and foremost, the weekend was exciting enough for me. What with the scholarship and all. I text a coupla of close friends and got nothing but the nicest words from them, thank you. (: The money's in my account now, so I can stop pinching myself. It isn't so much an amount that I can stop working altogether, but a good load off my shoulders, really, I can't ask for more. For those who stuck around during the bad times - Nic, Nart, Hazel, Sutrisno, Pav, etc, a big fat thank you to ya'll!

Well, exams are over! I still got some events round the corner but it's high time we meet up ladies!

-

Honey, I will never bother to hide my dislike for you - you shouldn't either. The idea of you feeding on these rolling words of mine that slip off this white screen disgusts me. I guess this is my cue to make retching noises.

13. Dealing w a Cunt.

2007-07-24T18:54:00.001+08:00

If everyday could be today.

Nothing new to report, which explains the lack of entries. Just getting back into the groove of things after having been in school for two weeks. I'm in something of a stasis lately. Lethargic, stable, content, but restless. Yeah, note the contradiction.

A lot has been lined up. Tests, projects, events. It's exciting for five minutes, afterwhich it's a yawn. My hair is reflecting my mental state at the moment -- a giant candyfloss of expressive fluff. I woke up later than usual this morning and instead of toothpaste, almost loaded my toothbrush with face wash. I was this close. That would've been a nasty wake-up call. And while everyone's rushing to buy the Harry Potter book, I got my hands on Jackie Collin's latest instead. Nic's aunt got it, to be specific. Can't wait to start on it!

Because you asked:
I was told not to even acknowledge your tag, but that would be too easy.

"You conniving, big, fat cheat! We're overrr!!!" That's what Nic said to me, not.

Nana whoever-you-are dear, you're sweet when you show concern with regards to my affairs but playing a 'sweet bitch' fits you ill. And I've decided I do not like you anymore than you like me, so let's just call truce and leave eachother alone. Unless of course, you'd rather show everyone how your universe revolves around me, then keep coming here and publish snippets of my supposed scandals. You're here with a mission, obviously fuelled by jejune anger. I must've treaded on your toes real hard before! Am I glad I did. You've sowed your seeds of discord, done deal, haha-in-your-face.

I'm getting too old to handle your juvenile behaviour. Infidelities or not, Nic hears it from me, not some dumb half-assed cunt, capisce? I do not care if my contempt colours this chunk of words, cos baby, it's deliberate.

I wasted 3 minutes on you, and that's all you deserve.

-

Nic hates Bourbon Coke.

On a sidenote: Nic's trying very hard (and I mean veree hard) to get the attention of her favourite cat. I wish ya'll could hear her. Yippy, I hear the melodious sizzling of eggs being cooked. I smell it now. Mmm-mmm...it'll be my second egg for the day but I can't help it, I love eggs. Dinner time!

12. The Day Before School Re-opens.

2007-07-08T17:11:00.000+08:00

Hello, wello, bello.
School starts tomorrow. I can't wait. (:

I woke up at 3pm feeling like I have a dead rat in my mouth and I actually typed 'dear' instead of 'dead'. I spent half the night having awful clichéd dreams about being chased by a deranged psychopath and generally pulling every muscle I have and getting a headache. Sleep is meant to be peaceful.

My luck was down to the pits the past week. Despite giving up seats to senior citizens and pointing out open flys, my bank of good karma is still not good enough to secure me a good spot in Lady Luck's book. I woke up an hour early for work twice (AHHH! Precious sleep!) and stepped on dog turd on my way home on the 5th. Then, I spilled half a bottle of nail polish remover on my crotch that very night. I could've started a bush fire, pun intended. Things started looking up on the morning of the 6th. I queued for donuts and met Lisa in the queue and spent 2½ hours catching up before we got our donuts. Mind you, 2½ is a relatively short wait compared to the 3 - 4½ hours wait I endured the past 3 times and at that, we're still talking about donuts.

Thereafter, we went to Cartel for lunch and a 'has-been' love rival had to serve me. Ha. I suspect she recognizes me, what with the dagger stares and bad service, but I can't be too sure. For the rest of the day, I spent more than I'm supposed to and I haven't paid rent and phonebill! And to ensure my good luck stays, I donated blood. In doing so, I saved the trees too cos I get letters of reminders to donate like what, every week? The blood bank is literally after my blood.

And yesterday was Margaret's wedding. T'was good, no formal sit-down dinner, just lots of booze, good food, good-looking people and even more sarong-party girls at Oosters. I'm saying that because that combination sounds good but I'm really, actually lying about the food.

Food. Nic bought me fresh prawns to cook with Tom Yum. I missed my lunch and looky, it's almost time for dinner. And and and...she bought me a Spongebob lanyard card holder and...document holder too! (?) What do you call those file like carriers with zip?

My stomach's rumbling, I'll leave you with this.

(Men are creative pigs.)

I remember how I cried when my friends teased me because I was the first to wear training bra in class. Now I think back, it's really funny and I shouldn't be the one crying.

11. Binge eating.

2007-06-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

Sit where the cat sits.

Best laugh in weeks because of her.

Thanks to the one whose birthday falls on 1st December.

-

These days stinks. Almost literally. Considering the amount of 'smelly beans' I've been eating. And these days are about binge eating and feeling hungry all the time - sometimes I can't tell if the pangs in my stomach are hunger ones or reminders to clear my bowels. At the rate I'm eating, my whole abdominal region will spill over my jeans. My tummy already *cough* sticks out from the top of my jeans *cough*, for your information. But I never seem to feel full, and I don't shit enough and my appetite seems to grow 'healthier' each day. I can't blame it on pms because my period has just ended...not too long ago.

I'm updating because Nart said she comes to my blog because she remembers me and I want her to have something new to remember everytime she comes.

Sex and crying are very similar.

10. Back from cruising the world.

2007-06-10T18:54:00.000+08:00

I feel like a pretty old lady.

How did you interpret that?

Was it, "I feel pretty as an old lady" or "I feel pretty old, like an old lady"?

-

I'm back after spending 3D/2N out at sea. I returned to dry land this morning 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1kg heavier (1 kg for each meal I had), $100 buckaroos poorer, ½ a tone darker and burnt despite having slapped on an inch of SPF50 sunblock. You decide if I had a good time.

The sun is an assassin sent by some walleyed aliens to incinerate us, I tell you. I'm not feeling as good as one is supposed to feel after a getaway (i.e. Holiday). I find myself in a state of malaise instead, which is discomforting in every sense. I entered Casino as a dilettante and didn't like it. Probably because I blew what could've been my GSS (Great Singapore Sale) money within 20 minutes. I spent my time watching those with shortlived smiles, whose face contorts into a rictus every time their bets are 'eaten'. The latter being more often.

Moving on to the present now, I updated. Now I need to get acquainted with the pile of notes sitting nice and ~~snug~~ smug on the table. I have a test tomorrow and I have nothing in my mind that is relevant to it. Hooray!

09. Another weekly entry.

2007-06-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

You, whose day it is, make it beautiful.

Really not much to say. I've been doing this, that and the other.

Yesterday was all about french manicure, chilli prata, fish curry, pasar malam, smelly tofu and an empty feeling despite all that.

In other news, my hair is too thick and out of shape. I last had it cut about a month ago(?), and try to do it as rarely as possible, not because I like looking scruffy, but just because I hate coming back from the hairdresser's regretting ever paying them to make me look like a billboard for bad hair days.

Okayy, right now I have a few tasks at hand:

01. Irritate Marcus, alias Napoleon Dynamite. (You're No.1!)
02. Search for his comment. (Oh, what joy!)
03. Watch ANTM.

Yes, watch America's Next Top Model. I love how tacky this long-running reality modelling TV Series has become, and how incredibly self-absorbed the whole process is. I guess we just love to see good-looking people making fools out of themselves voluntarily. And how the show is suppose to be about 13 aspiring models exposing their inner divas, yet Tyra still finds a way to insinuate herself into almost every scene and the whole show ends up revolving around her.

See for yourself.

08. Ow mumps, how now.

2007-05-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

Lettuce serve you.

I can't wait to devour the books and tidbits Nicky bought me! Thank you, you sweetpoot! 5 Books! Jackie Collins, Dean Koontz and Amitav Ghosh (that's hers, I've no clue who he is or if I'll like his style of writing) but heck, it's still a book - which can only mean new stories, more in-between-classes adventures, more reasons not to talk, less small talks, less boredom, less time spent staring into space.

I love, love, love you baby, and I love the goodies you bought me even more. Gigabite Chocolate Moomba, delectable mini cream-filled wafer rolls, my favourite! I can't wait to pop 'em as soon as I recover from this swelling infected lymph nodes/throat torture. Food AND Books, what a deliciously sinful combination. :D

That's it for me today. I can only hope tomorrow's a better day, with no sore throat, no swollen lymph nodes so I can have Tom Yum and there'll be no need for me to play Braille on my neck and jawline.

07. Today is worth blogging about.

2007-05-18T12:13:00.002+08:00

Love bites faded, our love hasn't.

Today is a new day. More lovers, more liars, more small talks, more dumb people. /snigger
I'm a bitch, a mega one at that. I know it and I embrace it.

Finally, in just plain old glorious human love, I love my girlfriend and she loves me. Every day I am gifted the joy of real friendship and loving company; whether it's expressed in nagging my ears off my head, waking up with the warmth of her face snuggled against my neck, silly goofy-goober gibberish talk or screaming wars. Yes, Nic, even while I'm penning this sweet entry, you chose to call and gush over the 'pretty girl' in your school sharing the same birth date as you, I still love you.

Happy 2 & a half years! (:

Just a little loving early in the morning beats a cup of coffee.

(Tinypic replaced my photo w THIS.)

06. My life generally rules.

2007-05-17T14:28:00.000+08:00

So I've got a smile on, but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head.

I handed in my computing coursework and we're (Vic & I) almost done with our Buisness Fundamentals roleplay script so now I have a life.

-

Most of the time, we place expectations on our
friends and our loved ones. In exchange for the
love, friendship, care and help that we give to
them, we expect them to be nice to us, to do what
we want them to do, and not to do what we do not
want them to. In this way, our relationships are
somewhat like business contracts, with a whole
set of unwritten rules: "I will do this for you as
long as you are nice to me; I will help you as long
as you do what I want." This kind of love is called
"conditional love" - love with strings attached.

- Awakening a Kind Heart, by Ven. Sangye Khadro

All right sweetums, as you can see, I'm just here to unbraid and blabber. Gonna sweep my ass off the comp now. I'd like to write more often, you know, I'm not sure why I don't. Despite what my 'lack of informative' entries might suggest otherwise, my life generally rules. So there.

05. Humpty-Dumpty

2007-05-04T19:27:00.001+08:00

Rebirth of Humpty-Dumpty.
& I was just saying how much I love eggs.

Okayy, here's what Nicky's granny found when she was preparing dinner:

(Tinypic ate up the pictures, & the soft copy got buried w the crashed desktop)

It's an egg WITHIN an egg, an astonishing find if you ask me! The tiny egg found within another measures no more than 6cm by 4cm (diameter) and contained egg white AND a 'egg-white formula' yolk, if you get my drift. I've never seen anything like this so it's cool. Agree? Hell yes.

(Tinypic ate up the pictures, & the soft copy got buried w the crashed desktop)

It hasn't reached 'puberty'. See? The yolk isn't yellow yet.

(Tinypic ate up the pictures, & the soft copy got buried w the crashed desktop)

Normal egg & 'Humpty Dumpty'.

Ohmyfrigginggoodness, I'm brimming with excitement and curiosity! I wish someone could offer an explanation for that. Anyhows, I sent the pictures to STOMP! Hopefully someone can offer some form of logical explanation.

See 'Humpty-Dumpty' at STOMP. (Clickity-click!)

Here's the perfect time to ask the question that has plagued philosophers for a long time,"The Chicken or the Egg came first?"

The question is even deeper, however. Chickens have many proteins. Each protein is coded for by the DNA/RNA system. However, many specific proteins are needed in order to manufacture DNA/RNA.

So the question we should ask is, "Proteins or DNA/RNA came first?"

Sleep on it. (:

04. Dear Stranger.

2007-05-01T16:17:00.000+08:00

Because skipping heartbeats and butterflies in your stomach can't be safe.

You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat;
I believe satisfaction'll bring it back to life.

Curiosity is killing this Blackcat.

03. 2 Pots of Orchids, what a start!

2007-04-29T21:56:00.002+08:00

I love you because you would almost always oblige whenever I ask for a piggy-back ride.

When this dewy-eyed puffball stared up at us from its hiding place inbetween
some pots and bricks, our hearts literally melted. He's a cat that thinks he's a dog!
Like Patch at home. Oooh, Patch. I'll tell you bout Patch boy another day.

So now I'm a mother of a pot of Orchid (I don't even know its scientific name). And I'll play nanny to this other pot of Orchid my neighbour gave us if Cheryl and Charlene allows. (:

I don't think Orchids come under "easy-for-beginners", "easy-to-grow," or "easy-to-care-for" but I'm gonna try. We're talking try keeping the life in it, put aside flowering and all that ambitious chickenshit.

I've heard about talking to plants. I'm gonna do exactly that when nobody's within earshot. Ha! Plead with them to grow as they would in other homes, promise to love, honor, and take care of them. I'll touch them - maybe bonding would help!

I'm almost desperate to succeed in changing the color of my thumb from brown to green. But that isn't directly saying that I'm starting a greenhouse here.

There's only one little persistent problem. I have this nagging feeling that I'm not born with just 2 "brown thumbs" but also 8 "brown fingers", to be exact. If I ever succeed in changing my thumbs from brown to green, that just means "2 down, 8 more to go".

Now, that's taxing on patience and everything I have.

All in all, I'm happy with the latest acquisition so it's been a good weekend, albeit a tiring one with canteen 'labour' at church and the hot hot heat.

I'm going to feed myself, before this euphoria flips over, and I start getting all worried and sad.

02. It's a day of Macaroni Soup

2007-04-22T02:20:00.000+08:00

Drowning past regrets in tea and cigarettes.

Right now I'm experiencing about a million different emotions and it's exhausting. It's the music's doing. Every song brings about a different set of emotions.

I woke up to sunlight spilling into the room and unto my face. I hate it. That aside, I had a dreamless night and I like dreamless nights so it sorta balanced out my mood for the day.

Our pay came in and Nic bought me a dress. Okay, the very second I had that sentence out, Madonna's 'Material Girl' started playing:

"Living in a material world
And I am a material girl"

I got all weird out when I saw (in this case, heard) the aptness of the song. I'm like, "Hey God, you mumbled?" I had myself a laugh.

-

In other news, we were rocking to 'Freestyler' (old-school ain't it!) in the car just before we came back. In the carpark with the hazard lights on and stomach acid in my mouth from indigestion. The prata from Casuarina isn't sitting well. Instead of feeling satiated, I feel viciously nauseous. Like I just ate durian with wasabi and rancid bacon, with a punch of gas, in that particular order. While we're on the topic of food and music, can anyone remember just how good Metallica sound? Or "Life in Mono" which was featured on the Great Expectations Soundtrack? Pulsating dreamily with eerie harpsichords and sound like someone whispering secrets in her sleep. This song can bring about an orgasm.

It's so erotic.

My immune system is cruel and twisted. I just recovered 2 weeks ago and all that is left to be treated is cough. Now every part of my body is aching again and water feels like gravels down my throat.

To top the list of random and poorly summed up tid bits for my life in the past week, school has been easy, amidst new friends, similar interests, similar sexuality preferences, raw nerves, terrible weather.

If I could just get rid of computing coursework it would be a really nice time to be in school. The computer is good for internet and storing of digital files, the end. Before, I had a really wonderful and understanding relationship with computers. As long as they don't eat up my stuff or go screensaver mode on me, we're good. Now school has complicated our relationship by introducing Microsoft Powerpoint, Excel, and its other cousins.

One word to describe my classmates: Quirky - the way I like 'em. (:

There is much fun to be had.

01. The Black-cat is clean

2007-04-07T03:30:00.000+08:00

I concluded the previous blog with this, "I intend to begin posting my thoughts again, elsewhere."

So it seems right to begin the new blog with this, "I intend to begin posting my thoughts again, here."

-

Events, unrelated, and in chronological order:

Since I last updated, I made two trips out of Singapore: Batam first, then Genting a week later. I remember during the 3 months of hiatus from blogging I did quite a handful of activities and ate my fair share of good food. Bless me, for I have no recollection of the '5 Wives & 1 Husband'. (i.e. Who, Where, What, When, Why & How) It's as if I got abducted by aliens and remember nothing of the whole experience but the part about being sucked up into the mothership.

Let's see...

There's the trip back home. Being 'home' felt weird because 'home' is definitely the one place I don't feel at 'home'. My sisters were nice, Christine in particular, was extremely sweet. My brother..from the few glimpses I managed to get of him, well, he grew a head taller than me. My mom is still the bitch she has always been, and my dad still farts and snores but I love him still.

A week later, I remember driving up to Genting instead of taking the coach, and Nic pigging out on Baskin Robbins while I warmed up with hot chocolate in the freezing hotel room (because we left the windows open when we left) in almost nothing but my underwear.

There's my housing situation, where I live with six humans and seven cats. I have no complaints. Maybe just one; we need to get a bigger bed Nic, or one of us has to lose weight and it's not going to be me cos I can't give up food.

There's my job, which isn't in a flux. Thank God. Which I expect I'll be keeping even when I return to school because despite the occasional I-don't-want-to-work-anymore tantrums, I usually return to work because it pays the bills and school and keeps my stomach full.

There's school. There's no statements to be made yet since school starts only on the 16th. I'm doing Business Event Management in ITE Bishan just so everyone's informed. Don't worry, I wasn't insane when I chose ITE. It was a weighted decision with nobody's influence and at some point in time, I thought I was going to lose my mind. Whether I chose it because of results or financial difficulties, I hope to get your support instead of sympathy or disdain.

But I'll take whatever comes anyway, which explains the catchword/blog title, 'Inhale'. Inhale whatever it is, swallow my pride if I must, it's not fattening I was told. And exhale all the horrible thoughts. The next puff will be better and I won't keep losing control over my mind or my mind, for the matter. As cliche as it may sound, it works.

And today was a very nice day indeed. It was a day of Pretending I'm Holy because I got a colleague to take over my shift in the name of going to Church (which I quite obviously didn't). Even Nart went. I deserve to be stoned. And for making several futile attempts to shower and pop out to meet Nart (which I eventually didn't), I deserve to be stoned again.

My heart feels sick and my stomach feels queasy. That sentence would work the other way around, too.